Mediation about children after separation

Contents 6 sections

Tap any paragraph to hear it from there.

When parents separate, the hardest questions are often very ordinary ones: where the children sleep on a school night, who collects them, how the holidays are shared, what happens on birthdays, and how two homes communicate without every exchange becoming an argument.

Mediation is where those questions get answered by the two of you rather than by a judge. This page is the way in. Each part of it has a page of its own beneath.

What mediation about children can settle

• where the children live and how time is shared;
• school nights, weekends, holidays and half terms;
• birthdays, religious festivals and other days that matter to your family;
• handovers and travel between two homes;
• school and healthcare information, and how decisions about them get made (which is where parental responsibility matters);
• how the two of you will communicate from here.

The detail of that conversation, and how it is run, is on child arrangements mediation.

You do not have to be on good terms first

You do not need to be having calm conversations already. Some parents come after communication has reduced to short messages. Some disagree about contact. Some have not spoken directly for months. Some are already in court proceedings and would rather not be – if that is where you are, or where you think you are heading, it is worth knowing what a child arrangements order actually involves before you apply for one.

None of that rules mediation out. It is what the first meeting is for – each of you sees the mediator separately, and whether mediation is suitable, and in what form, is worked out there rather than assumed.

Where there has been abuse, that is considered before anything joint is arranged. See domestic abuse and mediation.

Keep children out of the adult conflict

Children should not be asked to carry messages, or take responsibility for negotiating the arrangements between adults.

That does not mean their views do not matter. Parents can listen to what matters to their child without handing them the decision, and Cafcass publishes guidance and an “Our Child’s Plan” template that many parents find a useful starting point.

Where to go from here

Child arrangements mediation

How the sessions actually run: the separate first meetings, joint or shuttle, what happens when contact has stopped, and how a C100 application relates to it. Child arrangements mediation.

Parenting plans

The written record of what you agree, and why the detail matters – not “holidays shared equally” but how dates are chosen, when travel happens and how a change is raised. Parenting plans after separation.

Paying for it

The Government voucher scheme can cover up to £500 of eligible mediation about children. It does not cover the MIAM. The Family Mediation Voucher, and our full fees.

Starting

Everything begins with an individual MIAM for each parent. How family mediation works sets out the order the whole process runs in.

Sources and further reading

• GOV.UK – looking after children if you divorce or separate
• Cafcass – how a parenting plan can help
• Family Mediation Council – mediation vouchers
• GOV.UK – family mediation voucher scheme