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Child-inclusive mediation gives a child a way to be heard in the decisions being made about them, without putting them in the middle. The child meets a mediator trained in child-inclusive work, on their own, and decides for themselves what, if anything, is passed back to their parents.
It is not a way of asking a child to choose between parents. That is the one thing it is designed to avoid.
What it is for
Parents may hear different things from a child or be unsure how to discuss the child’s wishes without placing them under pressure. A trained mediator can consider whether a separate conversation would help.
The aim is to give the child a safe opportunity to express their experience, not to obtain a preferred answer or guarantee agreement between parents.
How it works
Both parents agree to it first, and so does the child. Nobody is made to take part. It is normally offered to children of about ten and older, and sometimes to younger children where it would help.
The child meets the mediator on their own, usually for around forty-five minutes, online or in person. The conversation is about how things are for them, what is working and what is not. It is not an interview and there is no report.
The child normally decides which messages are passed to parents. Confidentiality has exceptions: safeguarding concerns, a court order or an overriding legal obligation may require disclosure. Before the conversation, the mediator explains these limits in an age-appropriate way and checks the child’s understanding.
The parents then carry on with their own mediation, with the child’s view in the room, and make the decisions themselves. The child is not asked to decide anything.
What it is not
This is not a Cafcass assessment or a report prepared as court evidence. The mediator does not decide the child’s arrangements or make recommendations to the court. Conversations are normally confidential, subject to safeguarding duties and overriding legal requirements.
It is not suitable where a child is already under pressure from either parent to say a particular thing, or where there are safeguarding concerns. Those are checked at the MIAM and again before any meeting is arranged.
How to arrange it
We can offer child-inclusive mediation as part of child arrangements mediation. It is raised in the parents’ sessions, once the mediator has met both of you and it is clear that it would help. The meeting with the child is arranged separately, with a mediator trained and accredited for child-inclusive work, and the fees and practical arrangements are discussed with you at that point.
If you think your children should have a say, mention it at your MIAM, or get in touch before you book.
See the FMC safeguarding guidance.
Questions parents ask
How old does a child need to be?
Usually about ten or older, though it depends on the child. Younger children can sometimes take part where the mediator judges it would help and both parents agree.
Will my child be asked who they want to live with?
No. The conversation is about how things are for them and what would make them easier. Children are never asked to choose between their parents.
Do I get to hear everything my child says?
Normally, only messages the child agrees to share are passed to parents. Safeguarding concerns and overriding legal obligations can require disclosure. The mediator explains these limits to the child in an age-appropriate way.
Can it be used in court?
It is not a Cafcass assessment or a report prepared as evidence for court. Conversations are normally confidential, but safeguarding duties, a court order or an overriding legal obligation can require disclosure.
What does it cost?
It is arranged separately from the parents’ sessions, and the fee and arrangements are discussed with you before anything is booked. Our standard fees cover the MIAM and joint sessions.
This page is general information about family mediation. It is not legal advice about your own situation. It is not a substitute for a Cafcass assessment or for advice about a child at risk.