Contents 9 sections
Reads from the top. Pause any time, or click a paragraph to jump there. Reads from the top. Pause any time, or tap a paragraph to jump there.
Read by your own device. Nothing is sent anywhere.
Tap any paragraph to hear it from there.
Family mediation gives two people a structured way to make their own decisions after separation. A mediator manages the conversation, helps work out what actually still needs deciding, and keeps the discussion on that rather than on everything that led up to it.
It covers arrangements for children, finances and property. It can be used after court proceedings have started, too, if there is still something that could be settled without a hearing.
You do not have to be on good terms
Mediation is not a reward for already getting on.
You may be speaking only by message. You may think what the other person is proposing is plainly unfair. You may have tried to sort this out three times already and got nowhere. None of that rules mediation out – a good number of the families we work with arrive in exactly that position.
Nobody is asked to pretend the history did not happen. The process just keeps the working conversation on the decisions that are still open.
See the whole process, step by step →
What can be decided in mediation
Arrangements for the children
Where the children live, time with each parent, school nights, weekends, holidays, handovers, travel, schooling, and how the two of you will communicate as things change.
There is no formula for this. An arrangement has to fit the child, the two households and the way the week actually runs. Mediation about children goes into it properly.
Money, property and pensions
Financial mediation covers the family home, other property, pensions, savings, investments, debts, income, business interests and maintenance. Nothing is discussed until both of you have set out your full financial position, because a proposal built on half the picture is not worth agreeing to.
Both at once
Children and money are usually tangled together – where someone can afford to live decides how the week can be arranged. Mediation can take both, and often should.
What the mediator does, and does not do
The mediator is independent and impartial. They do not decide the outcome and they are not anybody’s solicitor.
What they do is help you work out what needs a decision, make sure both of you get a proper hearing rather than the more articulate person carrying the session, take one issue at a time, give neutral information where it helps, test whether a proposal will survive contact with real life, say plainly when specialist legal, pension or tax advice is needed, and write down accurately what you land on.
Under the FMC Code of Practice a mediator cannot advise either of you. That restriction is the reason both of you can rely on the room. The decisions stay yours.
What mediation is not
It is not counselling, and it is not a hearing. The mediator will not tell one of you to accept what the other is offering.
It is also not right for every case. Safety, abuse, coercion and whether each person is genuinely free to take part are all considered at the individual first meeting, and mediation can be declined or stopped. A mediator who says yes to every case is not doing the job.
In one room, or not
Some people sit together, in a room or on a call. Others use shuttle mediation, where you stay separate and the mediator moves between you.
Separate rooms are still mediation, not a lesser version of it. The proposals are tested just as hard and the outcome carries the same weight. Which format suits is decided after both assessments – it is not a box you tick when booking.
If you agree, and if you do not
For children, what you agree can be written up as a parenting plan. For finances, the mediator prepares a memorandum of understanding and an open financial statement.
None of those is a court order. In a financial case each of you should have the chance to take independent legal advice before proposals are turned into a binding consent order.
And if you do not agree: mediation is voluntary, and trying it does not cost you the right to go to court. Sometimes it settles everything. Sometimes it settles part of it, which still narrows what is left. Sometimes one person stops, or the mediator concludes it should not continue.
Working with Salam Mediation
We work primarily online with families across England and Wales, and in person in London. A good deal of our work involves difficult communication, shuttle sessions, financial disclosure that has stalled, and families who need an interpreter so that nobody is negotiating their own future in a second language.
The aim is that you always know where you are: what the meeting is for, what it costs, what information is needed, and what happens next. Our fees are published in full.