How family mediation works

Contents 15 sections

Tap any paragraph to hear it from there.

Family mediation is easier to understand when you can see the process in order. You do not start by sitting in a room with the other person and being told to negotiate.

The process starts separately. It moves to joint or shuttle mediation only after the mediator has met each person and considered that mediation can go ahead safely and constructively.

1. You get in touch

   A call, a message or a booking. The other person is not contacted at this stage, and nothing is decided.

2. Your MIAM

   A private meeting, on your own with the mediator. What mediation would involve in your situation, what the other options are, and whether mediation is suitable and safe here.

   What happens at a MIAM →

3. The other person is invited

   They are asked to their own separate MIAM. What you said in yours is not passed across to them, within the confidentiality limits explained at the meeting.

4. Joint mediation begins

   In one room, in separate rooms, or on separate video calls. The format is decided after both assessments, not booked from a website.

   How shuttle mediation works →

5. From here the case divides

   Most cases involve one of these. Some involve both, and they are worked through in the same sessions.

   Arrangements for the children → Money, property and pensions →

The short version

• Cost: a MIAM is £125 per person; a joint session is £180 per person for 120 minutes.
• Length: a MIAM runs 45 to 60 minutes. Joint sessions are longer.
• Format: online by video call on Zoom or Teams, in person by arrangement, or shuttle where you should not be in the same room.
• Order: everybody is seen on their own first. Nothing joint happens until each person has been met and mediation has been assessed as suitable.
• It is voluntary: either of you can stop at any point, and so can the mediator.

Step 1 – Start with a MIAM

A Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting is your private first meeting with the mediator. You attend on your own.

You can explain what has happened, what is still unresolved and any concerns you have about taking part. The mediator explains mediation and other non-court options, discusses costs and practical arrangements, and considers safety and suitability.

A MIAM usually lasts around 45 to 60 minutes at Salam Mediation. There is more detail on the MIAM page.

Step 2 – The other person has their own first meeting

If mediation appears suitable and you want to explore it, the other person can be invited to a separate MIAM.

Each person needs their own space to talk openly to the mediator. A MIAM is not a joint meeting and it is not used to persuade somebody to accept the first person’s account.

Step 3 – Agree the format

If each person wants to continue and the mediator considers mediation suitable, the format is agreed.

This may be:

• a joint online meeting;
• a face-to-face joint meeting by arrangement;
• shuttle mediation, with each person in a separate room or video space;
• another format that the mediator considers appropriate within their professional practice.

The format can change later if the mediator considers that helpful or necessary.

Step 4 – Work through the issues in an order that makes sense

Mediation is structured. The mediator helps create an agenda so you are not trying to solve every problem at once.

In a children case, that might mean starting with the ordinary school week before moving to holidays and special occasions.

In a financial case, disclosure comes before proposals. There is little value debating who should keep the house until both people understand the mortgage, equity, pensions, income, debts and other relevant finances.

Step 5 – Test proposals against ordinary life

A proposal can sound reasonable in a meeting and still fail in practice.

For children, the mediator may ask how school collection would work, how far the homes are from each other, what happens on inset days or how a plan changes when a child starts secondary school.

For finances, the discussion may need to look at mortgage capacity, housing needs, pension information, debt and each person’s future budget. Specialist advice may be needed on particular issues.

The aim is to make the discussion concrete enough for each person to understand what a proposal would mean in real life.

Step 6 – Record the outcome

If proposals are reached, the mediator records them in the appropriate format.

For child arrangements, this can include a parenting plan or written outcome.

For finances, factual financial information is recorded on an open basis and proposals are recorded separately. The mediator can explain the documents used in the process.

Step 7 – Take legal advice or formalise an agreement where needed

A mediator does not act as either person’s solicitor. In financial cases in particular, independent legal advice is often an important final step before proposals are turned into a binding consent order.

If no agreement is reached, you retain the right to use other non-court processes or apply to court where appropriate.

How long does family mediation take?

Much less time than people expect, and far less than court.

• The MIAM is usually booked within a few days, and takes 45 to 60 minutes.
• The other person’s MIAM follows whenever they are ready, which is the step most likely to add delay.
• Joint sessions are around two hours each, typically spaced a week or two apart so there is time to gather information or take advice between them.
• Start to finish, most families are done inside six to twelve weeks. Some settle in a single session; a complicated financial case with a lot to disclose takes longer.

The comparison worth having in mind: a contested application about children rarely reaches a final hearing inside a year, and often takes longer.

How many sessions are needed?

There is no fixed number. The Family Mediation Council says mediation often takes several meetings, but the number depends on the issues, the information needed and how quickly the discussion progresses.

At Salam Mediation, a standard joint session is 120 minutes. A straightforward child issue may need fewer sessions than a case involving several properties, pensions or disputed financial information. Our fees page sets out what each session costs.

What if we cannot be in the same room?

That does not automatically rule mediation out. Shuttle mediation may be considered after individual assessment. Each person remains separate and the mediator carries the discussion between them.

There are also cases where the mediator may conclude that mediation is not suitable. The first meeting exists partly to make that assessment before joint work begins.

The next step

If you know you need a MIAM, book an appointment. If you are trying to decide if mediation fits your situation, start with a free 15-minute chat.

Sources and further reading

• Family Mediation Council – What is a MIAM?
• Family Mediation Council – Mediation sessions
• Family Mediation Council – General principles