Shuttle mediation

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Shuttle mediation is mediation where the two of you are never in the same room. You sit separately – in two rooms, or on two video calls, and the mediator moves between you carrying proposals and questions.

When it is used

Where being in a room together would not be safe, or would simply not be productive. It is not a lesser form of mediation and it is not a sign that mediation is failing. Where the difficulty is technical rather than personal, hybrid mediation may fit better. For some couples it is the only way the conversation happens at all.

The situations it comes up in most often:

• There has been abuse, or one person is frightened of the other – see domestic abuse and mediation
• Every previous attempt to talk has ended in a row within minutes
• One person will take part but has said they will not sit opposite the other
• There is a court order or an undertaking limiting contact between you
• Nothing dramatic at all – you simply both find it easier this way

That last one is more common than people expect. You do not need a reason that would satisfy anybody else.

How a shuttle session actually runs

You arrive at different times, and you leave at different times. If it is in person you are put in separate rooms before the other person gets there. If it is online you are in separate calls and never see each other on screen.

The mediator sits with one of you, listens, then goes to the other with the substance of it – the proposal, the question, the sticking point. Not the tone, and not the commentary. Part of the job in a shuttle session is deciding what is worth carrying across and what would only make things worse.

Then back again. And again. It is slower than a joint session, and there is more waiting, which is worth knowing before you start.

What you can ask us not to pass on

Say so and we will not. That is a normal part of shuttle work, not an awkward request – a figure you are thinking about but are not ready to put on the table stays with the mediator until you say otherwise.

The exception is financial disclosure. The figures themselves have to be shared, because an agreement built on numbers only one of you has seen is not an agreement worth having.

What it changes, and what it does not

It takes longer, because everything is relayed. Expect more sessions than a couple sitting in one room would need.

There is no premium rate for shuttle: each session is charged at the usual fee. Because it takes more sessions, the total can be higher.

And the outcome carries exactly the same weight. A parenting plan or a memorandum of understanding reached by shuttle is not a second-class document, and nothing about the paperwork records how the conversation was held.

Can you start in one room and move to shuttle?

Yes, and the reverse happens too. Some couples start apart because they cannot imagine anything else, then find after a session or two that they would rather get on with it face to face. Others start together and it becomes clear within twenty minutes that it is not going to work that way.

It is not a decision you are locked into.

How to ask for it

Raise it at your MIAM. You do not have to justify it, and you will not be asked to argue the case for it.

We will suggest it ourselves if it looks like the right format – that is part of what the first meeting is for. If safety is the reason, please say so at that meeting even if it is difficult, because it changes how everything afterwards is arranged.